


Blame It On The Tequila

by AceOnIce



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Alternate Universe - Human, Dancer Magnus Bane, Drunken Shenanigans, First Kiss, First Meetings, First Time, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Smut, Las Vegas Wedding, M/M, Mistaken Identity, Strippers & Strip Clubs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:41:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28849236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceOnIce/pseuds/AceOnIce
Summary: “You’re going to throw away an actual relationship for a man you just met?”Right. There isn’t anything between them except a few shared drunken mistakes. “No. I never wanted to marry her, it was a political arrangement because I thought I could never have what I wanted. If I go back, it means going back to that hopelessness, trying to hide who I am and-- sorry, a bit heavy for someone I just met.”“You’re not what I expected, Alexander.”“From a Lightwood or from your new husband?”~OR~Alec's bachelor party takes an unexpected turn when he drinks a bit too much and elopes with a sparkly male stripper.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 68
Kudos: 332





	Blame It On The Tequila

**Author's Note:**

> Betad by [Sashenka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeSleepySloth/pseuds/SomeSleepySloth).  
> Inspired by chats and prompts in [the malec discord server ](https://discord.gg/mNkAHSaxDK).
> 
> I wrote this a while ago and it was originally supposed to be longer, but I ran out of steam and it ended on a decent note so now it's a one shot, enjoy~

Upon waking up, Alec is hit with three important realizations. 

One, he’s massively hung-over. It’s the type of hangover that puts all other hangovers to shame and has him swearing to never touch alcohol again. His head is pounding, aching like a screw has been driven into his brain. His stomach is rolling and he knows there is a very large chance he’ll throw up before he makes it to the bathroom. His attempts to get out of bed lead him to his next realization. 

Two, he’s on a boat. He notices the swaying the moment he throws his legs over the side of the bed. The floor is rocking and it’s not doing any favors for his hangover. At least the room is familiar- the light blue walls, the white windows and shelves, and the soft sheets all hint that he’s on his family yacht. He manages to stand, despite his hangover and the movement of the ship, and comes to the largest revelation. 

Three, there’s a man in his bed. A man with dark hair and smeared makeup. His strong, golden abs and two glinting nipple piercings on display- because _he’s not wearing a shirt._ His arm is slung over his chest and Alec eyes drift to the wedding band on his left finger. 

Alec’s stomach churns at the realization that he’s slept-- even if only in the most literal of ways-- with a married man.

He’s _definitely_ going to be sick now. 

It’s a miracle Alec makes it to the bathroom before hurling. He clutches his stomach and wonders how his bachelor party had led to _this._

When he lifts his hand to flush the toilet, he sees it. A wedding band, matching the one on his bedmate’s finger. All at once, the Memories from the night before come rushing back. 

~ 

Alec’s alcohol-riddled brain doesn’t comprehend that Isabelle and Jace are taking him to a strip club until they’re well inside the building. Jace pushes him down into a chair and, thanks to the alcohol he had imbibed earlier, he goes easily. He blinks at the rapid onslaught of bright lights and realizes they’re sitting in front of a stage. A stage with a pole on it. 

Dread rises in him quickly enough that he fears he’ll be sick. He points a finger at Jace, “I said no strip clubs.” 

“It’s your bachelor party,” Jace slurs back, just as drunk as Alec. His siblings had more than made up for their high tolerances by slamming back shots at the bar where Alec’s bachelor party had started.

“Come on Alec, Lydia won’t mind,” Izzy joins in from his other side. She has a drink in her hand and Alec isn’t sure if she brought it from the first bar or if she’d already got one here. 

The reminder of his fiancée only cements Alec’s belief that he shouldn’t be here. He starts to stand up when the lights dim and a man announces the next dancer. 

“I’ll buy you a lap dance,” Jace tells him, watching the stripper make her way onto the stage. Alec freezes up at the idea of any girl giving him a lap dance. 

“I should go,” Alec says, looking around him for an exit. Anything to avoid looking at the girl who is now quickly losing clothing as she spins around the pole. Instead of finding a door, Alec’s eyes land on the most beautiful man he’s ever seen. Even sober he thinks he’d feel the same about him. 

The guy is tall, navigating between tables a few feet away, a drink in his hand. He sparkles from his sequined tanktop to his face-- and Alec’s brain can’t figure out how someone’s skin can be so _shiny_. 

He’s also looking at Alec now. 

Alec waves him over without thinking. “Jace,” he says, blindly reaching to pat at his brother’s shoulder, not willing to take his eyes off the gorgeous sparkly man. “Jace, buy me a lap dance from him.” 

“You want a lap dance with a male stripper?” 

If he were even slightly more sober, Alec would have caught on to the shock and disbelief in the blond man’s voice. As it was, he simply realized that, yes, of course the man was a stripper. That’s why he was so handsome and glittery. 

The man comes to a stop at their table, smiling down at Alec and Alec thinks for a moment that maybe he’s died and this is heaven and the stripper is an angel. Except he doesn’t think that heaven has strobe lights or plays Cherry Pie at top volume. 

“Hello there,” the man says, holding out a ringed hand. They’re pretty rings and Alec stares a moment too long before realizing the man is waiting for him to shake his hand. So he does, all too aware of the warmth curling in his stomach at the feel of smooth skin against his own. “Magnus Bane.” 

Alec blinks at him, confused, until Isabelle nudges him, whispering all too loudly, “It’s his name.” 

“Oh. I’m Alec.” 

“How much for a lap dance?” Jace asks, tearing Magnus’ eyes away from Alec. Alec pouts because that’s not fair, he wants the lovely brown eyes on him not on his brother. Jace won’t appreciate them. “My brother’s never been to a strip club before so I’m buying him one.” 

“Oh?” Magnus looks back at Alec whose pout transforms back into a smile, because the sparkly man is looking at him. _Again_ **_._ ** And the way Magnus looks at him, like he’s the only thing worth looking at in a room full of beautiful people, is _everything_. “For you,” Magnus says, setting down his drink and sliding onto Alec’s lap much more gracefully than Alec could have imagined, “Fifty dollars.” 

Jace hands over the cash before Alec is quickly distracted by the pretty strapper settling onto his lap. He rests his hands on Magnus’ hips, only to have Jace reprimand him, “No touching the stripper, Alec.” 

“I don’t mind,” Magnus assures him before he can move his hands back. “You can touch me all you want, pretty boy.” 

And then he moves and Alec’s brain short-circuits. He’s far too drunk to handle the stripper dancing on him in nothing more than shorts and a tank top. He tightens his grip on Magnus’ hips as the man trails his fingers over his own chest before raising his arms over his head, circling his hips against Alec’s. In the colorful strobe lighting, Alec can make out the streaks of blue in Magnus’ hair. 

“You’re so pretty,” Alec mumbles, lost in the sensations. 

His words make Magnus stop dancing, but then there are fingers carding through his hair and a soft, strong, hand on his shoulder. “ _You’re_ pretty.” 

“”m not,” Alec protests, oblivious of everything that isn’t Magnus. How could he think about anything else? 

“Magnus, Alec,” Jace says suddenly, making Magnus turn. Alec uses the excuse to circle his arms around Magnus’ torso, tucking his nose into Magnus’ neck when the man’s back presses against his front. He smells good. Like sweat and sandalwood and alcohol. 

“What?” Magnus asks when Jace doesn’t say anything. He’s leaning back into Alec’s grip so Alec nips at his neck. It makes Magnus shudder which causes Alec to grin and do it again. Magnus laughs softly and Alec decides it’s his new favorite sound, “I’m trying to talk to your friend.” 

Alec huffs, correcting, “He’s my brother.” 

“I always wanted a brother,” Magnus muses, resting his head on Alec’s shoulder. He fits so well, Alec wants to keep him. 

Alec glances at Jace who looks like he’s thinking hard. Alec likes having a brother, but he wants to make Magnus happy so he offers, “You can have mine.” 

“Hey!” Jace complains while Isabelle cackles on the other side of the table. 

“It’s okay, you can keep him,” Magnus says, patting Alec’s hand where it’s resting on his stomach, over the firm abs Alec can feel through the fabric of his shirt. 

Alec hums, “That’s good.” 

“Oh!” Jace exclaims, “I remembered. Alec, we have to go.” 

“Go where?” Alec asks, holding Magnus tighter because he just met him, he doesn’t want to go. 

“The jewelry store,” Jace says, standing up and stumbling forward, nearly falling over. 

Isabelle gasps and stands as well, more carefully. “That’s right! We have to pick up the rings.” 

“Can Magnus come?” 

Isabelle and Jace glance at each other but Alec is distracted by Magnus who’s turning around in his lap again, pressing their foreheads together. “Hey.” 

Alec grins at him and wonders if he’s allowed to kiss the stripper. Magnus doesn’t look like he would be upset. “Hi.” 

“Alright, fine, Magnus can come, let’s go.” 

“You can come with us,” Alec repeats. 

Magnus hums and fumbles his way out of Alec’s arms before holding out a hand to help Alec to his feet. “Okay.” 

“Good.” Alec threads his fingers through Magnus’ as they follow his siblings out of the strip club. He thinks maybe he shouldn’t steal Magnus if he’s working, but he doesn’t want to give him back so he doesn’t say anything. He pulls Magnus faster past the bar in case his boss sees them leaving. 

As the four of them stumble down the sidewalk, Magnus starts talking, telling Alec about the weirdly-named cats he has at home. Alec hangs on to his every word. 

“We’re here!” Isabelle announces, gesturing towards the store. 

Alec tugs Magnus inside and instantly forgets why they’re at the jewelry store. He points to a necklace with a green stone. “You would look good in that.” Magnus is already wearing two other necklaces, but Alec stands by his statement. 

“You would look good in less clothing,” Magnus mumbles back. 

“Ew, stop, not in front of me,” Jace complains, leading them to the counter. Alec leans against Magnus until the jeweler pulls out two golden rings-- wedding rings! 

Alec fumbles for the smaller one- Magnus definitely has smaller hands than him, and sinks down to one knee, nearly losing his balance as he does. “Magnus, you’re the prettiest guy I’ve ever seen, and you give the best lap dances, and I want to raise your cats with you. Marry me?” 

Magnus’ mouth drops open, but then he’s nodding and giving Alec his left hand. Alec only gets the band to his middle knuckle. 

“It’s too small.” 

Magnus takes it off and sets it on the counter. “It needs to be bigger.” 

Alec stumbles back to his feet, steadied by Izzy’s grip on his arm and Magnus’ hand in his. While the employee apologizes and measures Magnus’ ring finger, Isabelle tugs on Alec to get his attention. 

“Alec,” Isabelle says, “what about Lydia?” 

“What about Lydia?” 

Izzy blinks at him. “You’re supposed to marry her.” 

“Lydia doesn’t want to marry me,” he says matter-of-factly. “I’m gay.” 

Her mouth falls open before she nods. “You’re right. That makes sense.” 

“It fits!” Jace says happily as Magnus turns to show off the ring on his hand. Alec grins and grasps Magnus’ hand to press his lips to the ring. 

_“_ We’re gonna be husbands,” Alec tells him. 

Magnus grins back. “My husband is pretty.” 

“You’re not married yet,” Jace says, “Alec still has to pay for the rings and then we have to get an offic- an officiat- a- you know.” 

Alec fumbles for his wallet to take out his credit card, handing it to the increasingly amused employee. He picks up the other ring and slides it on. At least that one fits. 

Alec barely has time to sign the receipt and pocket his wallet before Magnus is grabbing his hand and tugging him outside the store, mumbling something about how they have to get married right away because he doesn’t want to wait any longer. 

~ 

And that’s where Alec's memory falters. He doesn’t know how or when they’d traveled the two hours from the strip club to the docks where the Lightwood family yacht was being kept. He doesn’t know what happened to Izzy and Jace- if they’re on the boat as well or left behind somewhere. He doesn’t know if he slept with the man, but he’s still wearing his boxers so he doesn’t think they got that far. 

Alec stands on shaky legs to brush his teeth, getting rid of the taste of old alcohol and vomit, as he tries to figure out if he’d actually married a stripper and- 

_Lydia._

Alec groans, spitting out the toothpaste in his mouth. He stumbles back into the bedroom to find the stripper sitting up, blinking owlishly at him and damnit, he shouldn’t be so adorable when Alec is sober. 

“Did we get married?” Magnus asks in a raspy voice. 

“I think so,” Alec sighs, finding his phone. There’s no cell service and the clock reads eleven in the morning. He swears and drops it onto the bed pressing his face to his hands. “They’re going to kill me.” 

“I’m sure we can get it annulled-” 

“Not that,” Alec says, dropping his hands. “My wedding is in an hour and there’s no way I’m going to make it.”

“What?” Magnus croaks from the bed. 

Alec groans, holding up his hand. “What did you think the rings were for? There’s a reason it didn’t fit you, it was made for Lydia.” 

“You got married the night before your wedding?” Magnus says, far too judgmentally for Alec to handle when he’s so hungover. 

The glare he gets in return could wither plants, but Magnus simply stares back at him. “You’re the one that married me.” 

“I was drunk.” Magnus gets out of the bed, throwing on the first shirt he finds on the floor. It’s Alec’s jacket from the night before and he tries not to stare or think that Magnus looks really good in his clothes. They might be married- _might,_ because Alec still isn’t sure if they actually went through with it- but Magnus is a stranger. 

“So was I,” Alec grits back. “I’m going to see if I can find my siblings anywhere.” 

Magnus, halfway to the bathroom, stops and spins around. “You’re going to just leave me here? I was way too drunk last night to make note of where anything actually is and I have a feeling this boat is just as big as I remember thinking it was.” 

Alec huffs a sigh because Magnus is right and he’s likely to get lost on his own, even if he’ll eventually find his way around. Alec lowers himself onto the bed, sitting on the edge. “Hurry." 

“I think I liked you more when you were drunk,” Magnus mutters, stepping out of the room and closing the bathroom door behind him. 

Alec bites his lip, trying to ignore the sliver of hurt in his gut. He has no reason to care what Magnus thinks of him, but he doesn’t want the pretty man to hate him. 

When Magnus comes back in, his makeup has been washed away, the gel removed from his hair so it lies flat across his forehead. He’s drowning in Alec’s jacket, and he looks softer without all the glitter. Alec swallows his pride. “I’m sorry.” 

Magnus blinks at him. “What?” 

“It’s not fair of me to get upset with you. I’m just... stressed. I’m sorry.” 

“You’re forgiven,” Magnus responds easily, checking the top dresser and frowning at what Alec knows is nothing more than socks and boxers. 

“Are you looking for something?” 

Magnus glances at him. “Sweatpants? As much as I like my shorts, they do feel a little much for day time.” 

He’s wearing the same shimmery shorts from the night before; the ones that cling to his ass and show off his legs. Alec tears his eyes away. “Third drawer.” 

Alec keeps his head lowered, his eyes on his- useless because they’re out of data range- phone as he hears Magnus changing. 

“Alright, not exactly my style, but I can make it work.” 

Alec is taken aback by just how cute Magnus looks.

“Good,” Alec finally manages as he stands, shoving on his sneakers. “Let’s go find out where we are.” 

“En route to Hawaii, I believe.” Alec raises an eyebrow at Magnus as they leave the room, heading for the upper deck. Magnus shrugs in response, turning his gaze to the window-walls. There isn’t much wildlife yet, but the cool blue water can be relaxing to watch. “I have a vague recollection of you asking someone to take us to Hawaii for our honeymoon.” 

Alec feels his cheeks flush as he quickly looks away. He’s absolutely never touching another alcoholic drink ever again. “If you remember that, do you remember... did we actually get married? The last thing I remember is buying the rings.” Alec twists his golden wedding band around his finger. He thinks maybe he should take it off, but the last thing he wants to do is lose the expensive piece of jewelry if his parents are going to disown him- which they might very well do after this. 

“We did. It was quite nice actually,” Magnus muses. “The officiator yawned throughout the ceremony. You gave me flowers, which I think were from a garden outside. A bouquet, for tradition.” 

Alec snorts, imagining himself doing something so... childish. “Did you throw them?” 

“I did. Of course, only Jace and Isabelle were there, but I think Isabelle was still happy to catch it.” 

Alec nods, part of him wishing he could remember that part of the evening. Then again, maybe it’s best he can’t. It’s not as if Magnus will hang around him for long, after all. They’ll get their marriage annulled, Magnus will go back to stripping at the club where they met and Alec will go back to... whatever he has waiting for him now that he’s burned his life to the ground with one drunken decision. 

“Your fiancée...” Magnus starts, slowly, hesitantly, as they reach the elevator. “Her name is Lydia, isn’t it?” 

Alec feels the guilt eating at his stomach. He hopes she figures out he’s gone before she starts getting ready. They didn’t love each other, but he never intended to hurt her, or embarrass her by not showing up at all. “Yeah, Lydia Brawnell.” 

“Branwell?” Magnus repeats, awed. “As in Supreme Court Justice Henry Branwell’s descendent?” 

“Yeah,” Alec rubs at the back of his neck, realizing he hadn’t told Magnus what his family did for a living. 

“Alec... as in Alexander Lightwood,” Magnus continues in the same tone before groaning. The elevator doors open and Alec narrows his eyes against the onslaught of brightness. They step onto the upper deck as Magnus shakes his head. “Are you telling me I married Robert and Maryse Lightwood’s son?” 

The intonation suggests he doesn’t think very highly of Alec’s parents. He tries not to take it personally, shoving his hands into his pockets, keeping his head down. “Sorry.” 

“I didn’t mean-” 

“Alec! Good morning, sir!” 

Alec cracks a smile at the familiar face. Andrew Underhill is roaming the upper deck, a half-eaten bagel in his hand. 

“Underhill,” he greets. “Can you tell me where we are and if you’ve heard from my parents?” 

“We’re off the coast of California, headed for Hawaii for your _honeymoon_ with your _pretty, sparkly husband.”_ Underhill is grinning as he says the words, glancing between Alec and Magnus, “You surprised a lot of people, but I never believed you and Lydia were in love.” 

Alec rubs at his temple, wondering just how many people know. “Are Jace and Isabelle here?” 

“They dropped you off. We’ve got about half of the usual crew, anyone the three of you were able to round up at one a.m. for an impromptu trip.” 

“Sorry,” Alec says, feeling like he’s apologizing a lot this morning and like his apologies aren’t nearly enough. 

Underhill doesn’t try to hide his chuckle. “No need, sir. May I ask how long you and Magnus have been together?” 

Alec glances at Magnus who simply raises an eyebrow. Alec feels his shoulders droop. “We met last night.” 

“Alec,” Underhill breathes, his face shocked. “I would have expected this from Jace or Isabelle, but not you. Were you that upset about marrying Lydia?” 

He stiffens because of course he had been nervous, and yes, okay, upset, but he’d never intended to let that cause him to act so recklessly. “Can you get a message through to my parents?” 

“What do you want me to tell them?” 

Alec cards a hand through his hair, gazing off towards the horizon for a moment. There’s nothing he can think of to make this right. “Never mind. Just, can we turn back to California?” 

“No Hawaii honeymoon?” Magnus finally chirps in with a teasing smile. “Here I was looking forward to the beaches.” 

“You aren’t the only one,” Underhill sighs wistfully. “But yeah, of course we can turn around. Are you sure you want to face your parents right now?” 

Alec pauses at the question. He'd never even considered _not_ facing them right away. He had to make amends and staying away would only make things worse, but... he thinks of golden sand and clear water and Magnus. Speaking of... 

He turns to the stripper. “You want to go to Hawaii?” 

“Of course. I believe I was the one who suggested it when you asked.” 

“Don’t you have a job?” 

He doesn’t mean his words to come out as blunt as they do and he regrets it when he sees Magnus’ face close off. “I got fired yesterday.” 

“Shit,” Alec breathes. “Is it my fault? I’m so sorry Magnus, I didn’t mean to bother you at work--” 

“Alexander,” Magnus holds up a hand to silence him, but Alec’s eyes fall on the wedding band “What are you talking about? How would you have anything to do with it?” 

Alec thinks back to the night before, still trying to puzzle together some of the blurrier pieces. “I... when Jace bought that lap dance...” 

“Oh my god, no,” Magnus says vehemently, shaking his head before cringing and pressing his palm to his forehead, likely in the same state of hangover as Alec. “I’m not a stripper, Alec.” 

“What?” 

“I’ll just leave the two of you alone. Let me know if you need anything.” Alec is sure he’s never seen Underhill move faster than he does at that moment. 

Magnus chuckles, but it sounds forced. “I’m not a stripper. I was just a drunk guy at a strip club when your friend offered me cash to give you a lap dance.” 

“Fuck. I’m an idiot,” Alec groans, pressing his face into his hands. 

“Really, I’m flattered you think I could be and I do feel at least partially responsible for contributing to that misconception.” 

Alec lowers his hands enough to narrow his eyes at Magnus. “Only partially?” 

“You made the assumption,” Magnus says shrugging. “Now, is there anywhere on this gigantic ship that we can get breakfast and maybe a few hundred pain killers?” 

“Yeah,” Alec sighs, heading for the kitchens. “Yeah, there is.” 

~ 

Alec ends up making a simple breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast for himself and Magnus. He cooks in awkward silence while his temporary husband watches the water outside of the boat. Once they’re seated with their food, Alec asks, “Do you really want to go to Hawaii? I’m not normally this... spontaneous, but I’d like to have some kind of plan in place before I face my parents after all this?” 

Magnus takes a moment and then nods. “I don’t exactly have a job to get back to and I’ve got enough saved up for rent. I think I gave Jace a key to my loft to watch my cats- was that a bad decision?” 

Alec snorts, admiring the way the sunshine lights up Magnus’ eyes and puts emphasis on the blue in his hair. “Probably. But Isabelle will make sure your cats get taken care of.” 

“Then I’m in no rush to return.” 

“Okay,” Alec breathes, a combination of nervous and giddy. “Hawaii then.” 

Magnus smiles back at him, small and unsure, but a smile before his eyebrows crease and he looks down. “What about your fiancée?” 

Alec sucks in a breath through his teeth. “She’s going to be pissed that I didn’t show up, but there’s nothing we can do at this point. Well. I guess we could spin some reason we put off the wedding and just do it in a few months, but... That would require her forgiving me and I don’t- I’m not sure I want to marry her anymore.” 

“What changed?” 

“You,” Alec says, wondering if he hadn’t made it obvious. 

Magnus looks unimpressed. “You’re going to throw away an actual relationship for a man you just met?” 

Right. There isn’t anything between them except a few shared drunken mistakes. Alec swallows. Maybe it would be better to go back and try to fix things, but-- “No. I never wanted to marry her, it was a political arrangement because I thought I could never have what I wanted. If I go back, it means going back to that hopelessness, trying to hide who I am and-- sorry, a bit heavy for someone I just met.” 

Alec isn’t surprised when his ranting is met with silence. He keeps his eyes downturned, so he won’t have to see Magnus’ expression. He wonders if the oversharing will be enough to have Magnus changing his mind about the Hawaii vacation. 

Finally Magnus clears his throat. “You’re not what I expected, Alexander.” 

“From a Lightwood or from your new husband?” Alec asks, trying to crack a joke to ease the tension in himself. 

He gets a small smile for his efforts. “Both, either. How many days will it take to get to Hawaii?” 

“Four or five depending on the weather, why?” 

Magnus’ smile widens. “Plenty of time for you to show me around the ship then. I want to see it all.” 

Alec can’t help but smile back. He’s curious to see what will be Magnus’ favorite part. “Okay. Coffee first?” 

“Always, Alexander. Always.” 

~

After showing Magnus the rest of the dining room, Alec takes him to the library. He can see right away that Magnus loves it. The other man runs his fingers along the spines of the books on the shelf, taking in the warm colors and fake fireplace, before settling into the cushioned bench along the glass wall, watching the ocean. 

Alec stands near the door, simply observing the other man. He spins the ring around his finger, noting that Magnus is still wearing his. Alec wonders why. Did he share the same fear Alec had of misplacing it, or… He’s not sure what other explanation there could be. 

Magnus had said it himself. They were practically strangers. Alec had to figure he wasn’t straight-- even drunk, no straight man would give another man a lap dance and then marry him. Still, that didn’t mean anything. Alec didn’t know anything about the man, whether he was actually single, or if Alec was his type at all. 

“Come sit with me?” Magnus says softly, taping the seat beside him. Alec goes without hesitating, sinking into the cushions and leaning against the glass. He’s more interested in watching Magnus than the ocean. “I can’t believe you own a yacht. I married well.” 

His wink lets Alec know he’s joking. Alec barely manages a smile. “Yeah, well my parents might cut me off as soon as they find out so...” He looks away, looks out at the water. 

“They really expected you to marry someone for politics?” 

“Yeah. It makes sense, she’s highly respected, the Lightwood family is well-known. It’s a good match.” 

“But you don’t love her. Are you even attracted to her?” 

Alec hesitates. He’s never actually come out before. Even Jace and Isabelle hadn’t known until the night before. Finally he shakes his head, looking at Magnus again to try to decipher his reaction. “I’m gay.” 

“I suppose that’s why you singled me out at a club full of beautiful female strippers.” 

Alec rolls his eyes, but he knows there’s a fond smile on his face. The blue lighting coming in from the window is painting Magnus’ face in odd colors. He looks no less gorgeous. “Yeah, well, I was very drunk.” 

Magnus hums his agreement. “As was I.” 

“If you’re not a stripper, why did you give me a lap dance?” Alec asks before thinking and he feels himself blush as a result, but he’s curious to hear what Magnus has to say. 

“Three reasons,” Magnus answers. “One, I was, as we just established, very drunk. Two, your friend offered me money after I’d just lost my job. And, three, you are extremely attractive.”

Alec feels his blush growing as he looks down rather than maintaining eye contact. His gaze falls on his own sweatpants, worn by Magnus. He has so many questions he wants to ask so he settles on one of the simpler, easier ones. “Where did you learn to give a lap dance?” 

His question surprises an earnest chuckle from Magnus and Alec delights in the sound. He vaguely remembers how he’d drunkenly thought Magnus’ laugh was his new favorite sound and sober him doesn’t disagree. 

“I was just winging it,” Magnus admits. “I do have a history in dance though. I am-- _was_ a dance instructor.” 

“What happened?” Alec asks softly. 

Magnus sighs, standing up and going to the nearest shelf to look over the books. “Downsizing. We’d been losing clients for years and it became too much. Only the owner and his wife are left.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Magnus picks out a book, studying the back of it. He carries it over with him when he sits back down. “Don’t be. After all, if I had a job I never would have gotten a free trip on a yacht to Hawaii.” 

Alec snorts but he can’t argue with that logic. While Magnus turns his attention to the book in front of him, Alec stands and stretches. “I’m going to shower, I feel like I still have glitter from the club on me. Do you know how to get back to the room?” 

“I think so. I’ll likely still be here when you’re done,” Magnus says distractedly, already being drawn into the story in front of him. 

Alec pauses at the doorway, taking a moment to glance at Magnus. He truly is the prettiest man Alec has ever met. Looking at him causes a warmth in Alec’s heart that shouldn’t be there so soon. Alec has to remind himself they’re strangers and after their little vacation, Magnus is going to leave. 

He shouldn’t feel so disappointed by that. 

~ 

It’s well after lunch, prepared by Alec and eaten in the library, before Magnus agrees to take a break from reading. Alec leads him down the hall to the room he thinks will interest Magnus now that he knows him slightly better. 

Sure enough, Magnus’ mouth drops when he sees the ballroom. He runs his fingers over the dusty bar on the side of the room, taking in the large space. Alec headed for the opposite side of the ballroom, stopping at the music set up. “Do you have music on your phone?” 

Magnus tugs his phone out of his pocket as he joins Alec beside the set up. “Do you dance?” 

“Only ballroom.” Alec’s parents had ensured he learned the art of ballroom dancing as a boy, alongside Jace and Isabelle, and he had. While he could pull off a fox trot, any dancing without choreographed steps was lost on him. 

Magnus hums, plugging the aux cord into his phone. Alec presses a few buttons to ensure it would play over the stereo wired throughout the room. A soft song begins playing and Magnus stepped away from the setup, holding out a hand in offering. 

“I would usually dress better for waltzing, but I’m afraid my wardrobe is a bit limited at the moment.” 

Alec huffs out a laugh. He wants to assure Magnus that he’s beautiful even in borrowed sweats, but that feels like too much. So, instead, he accepts Magnus’ hand. Magnus sets his free hand on Alec’s hip and Alec pauses, panicking. 

Magnus raises an eyebrow at him. “You’ve always led?” 

“Yeah.” He’d only ever danced with women. Even with Magnus, he has the height advantage. 

“Indulge me.” 

Alec is helpless to deny him at the request, hesitantly setting his hand on Magnus’ shoulder. The shorter man starts slow, clear deliberate steps for Alec to follow. He picks up fast, realizing it didn’t matter if he isn’t leading. It’s the same steps. 

“There you go,” Magnus murmurs, voice soft enough to almost be lost in the music. 

Alec is sure he’s blushing, but he keeps the steps up as Magnus begins to move faster, until Magnus raises their arms expectantly. Alec bites his lip, suddenly unsure. But Magnus simply raises an eyebrow so Alec ducks under their hands in a spin. Then Magnus’ hand is back on his hip, warm and solid, holding him closer. 

“Do you trust me?” Magnus asks suddenly, making Alec almost stumble. “I’m sure you’ve never been dipped before.” 

“You don’t have to--” Alec cuts himself off, trying hard to articulate the words that hid under his flustered skin. “I mean I know I’m heavier than your average dance partner.” 

“Alexander,” Magnus says in what Alec imagines is his dance instructor voice, bordering on the edge of stern. “Do you trust me?” 

Alec sighs, but he takes the question for what it is. He probably shouldn’t trust Magnus so soon, but he does. So he nods. “Yeah, I do.” 

Magnus gives him a breathtaking smile before he’s being spun again, this time allowing Magnus to catch him on the outward spin and lower him slightly. His heart races, a combination of being held in a vulnerable position and being held in Magnus’ arms. 

Then Magnus is lifting him back up and Alec steps out before spinning Magnus beneath his arm. Magnus lets Alec lead just long enough to spin him before he takes back control of the dance. His touches grow more confident, fingers curling into Alec’s hip and hand. Each step presses his body more firmly against Alec’s. 

Alec struggles to keep his breathing under control as he mimics Magnus’ steps and tries not to think about the heat of Magnus’ skin against his own. He takes in the way Magnus seems to glow in the late sunlight streaming in through the large window behind them. His eyes settle on Magnus’ lips and he thinks he remembers vaguely what they feel like, what they taste like. They must have kissed the night before. Alec curses himself for being too drunk to remember it. 

Then, the song is fading out, being replaced by something fast and upbeat. Alec comes to a standstill as Magnus steps away from him. There’s a slight flush to his cheeks from exertion. 

“You _can_ dance,” he says approvingly, going to retrieve his phone from the set up. Alec tries not to think about how much colder he feels now, twisting the band around his finger to distract himself. 

“What’s your favorite kind of dance?” 

Magnus pauses, probably surprised by the question. Then his lips curve in a wicked smile. “Lap dancing.” 

Alec rolls his eyes, barely managing to keep from blushing. The words bring back memories from the night before and if he goes down that route he’s going to have a very inconvenient problem to deal with very quickly. 

Before he can try to get a real answer out of the other man, Underhill is poking his head into the ballroom, a knowing smile on his face. “Sorry to bother you, sir, but I got a hold of your sister.” 

Alec exhales hard because he’s dreading what she’s going to tell him. But he can’t avoid it forever. He’s already avoiding his parents for weeks for an impromptu honeymoon with _the wrong person._

_“_ Okay.” He glances at Magnus, “I’ll make us dinner after?” 

“I’ll get started on it,” Magnus answers before glancing at his phone. “I actually have a bar of service here so I’m going to make a few calls to ensure my apartment doesn’t burn down while I’m gone.” 

Alec nods, pushing down the urge to press a kiss to Magnus’ cheek. He turns to Underhill and gestures for him to lead the way. 

As nervous as he is to hear how badly he’s screwed up his entire life, Alec is happy to hear his sister’s voice on the ship’s radio. Underhill leaves him alone in the captain’s room to give him some privacy to speak to Isabelle. 

She tries to exchange pleasantries, but Alec is too one edge for small talk. He jumps right to the main problem. “How’s Lydia? What did Mom and Dad say?”

Izzy sighs over the radio. “You’re not going to tell me how things are going with Magnus?”

Even the name gives Alec a little jittery feeling. He clears his throat, staring off at the clouds as they grow pink in the distance. “Maybe after. How bad is it?”

“The good news is Lydia is fine.”

“Really?” A small bit of relief curls in Alec’s stomach. He knows there’s more coming, but at least he hasn’t hurt the other person being coerced into a loveless marriage for political gain. “She’s not upset?”

Isabelle makes a contemplative noise. “I mean she’s not thrilled. But we stopped the wedding before it happened so at least she wasn’t, like, left waiting at the altar. We’re going to spin it to make it look as if the two of you spoke like rational adults and agreed to cancel the wedding, or at least postpone it.”

“Okay,” Alec breathes, feeling a weight lift from his shoulders. “Thanks.” He knows the role Isabelle must have played, despite likely being very hungover, in keeping his name clean. “What about Mom and Dad?”

“They’re a little upset.” He thinks it’s a massive understatement and he can feel his headache returning. “Especially because they can’t get a hold of you. And that you took the yacht and half a crew on a spur of the moment cruise.”

Alec groans, rubbing at his temples. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

“But,” Izzy says far too cheerfully, “we didn’t tell them about your little situation.”

“… what?”

Izzy laughs. “We didn’t tell them about Magnus or the fact that you got married impulsively last night. To a male stripper.”

“He’s not a stripper,” Alec mutters. “He’s a dance instructor.”

“Oh? And how is the new Mr. Lightwood?”

Alec seriously considers hanging up on her. But he supposes he owes her for keeping her mouth shut. So instead he grumbles, “You know he didn’t take my name.”

“You just haven’t had a chance to exchange last names yet. Speaking of which, do you even know his last name?”

“Yes,” Alec replied indignantly, despite the fact that he’s been married to Magnus for only a few hours less than he’s known his surname. “Can you cover for me for a couple weeks?”

“Wait, why? Are you not coming back? I figured you would be back as soon as you realized what happened. Honestly, I kind of thought you would be back this morning with an annulment somehow.”

That does sound more like Alec. But thinking of Magnus’ soft smiles and warm skin and strong hands and- well, all of him, honestly- has Alec aching to be impulsive for once. And if it’s all just so he can spend a little more time with the man who is technically his husband before they part ways forever? Well, he’ll keep that to himself. 

“I have enough vacation days saved up and everyone’s excited to be in Hawaii. Hey, can you also make sure Jace keeps Magnus’ cats alive?”

“Of course. Have fun on your honeymoon.”

Alec’s cheeks flame. “It’s not a honeymoon.”

“I beg to differ. You married a man yesterday and now you’re going on a cruise to Hawaii with him. It sounds like a honeymoon.”

“Only if you leave out all the important details,” Alec mutters as he leans against the tall wooden chair in the middle of the room. 

“Well, at least treat my new brother-in-law to a good time,” Isabelle says, because she can’t resist getting in the last word. “I’ll cover for you, but expect your phone to blow up as soon as you get data again.”

He supposes he shouldn’t expect anything else. “Thank you, Izzy. I owe you.”

“Any time big bro. Try to relax and have fun, alright? Enjoy your vacation.”

“What else would I do? I’m on a cruise to Hawaii.”

“Probably overthink until you make yourself sick.”

Alec pouts at the sunset because he can’t actually pout at her. “I’m hanging up.”

“Fine, fine, go enjoy life as a married man.”

At that, Alec does actually end the call. 

After a wonderful dinner, because it turns out Magnus can _cook_ , Alec finds a bottle of champagne and invites Magnus up to the deck to star-gaze. 

He half-regrets it when they’re laid out in lawn chairs with glasses in their hands, the bottle set between them, because Magnus looks unfairly pretty in the moonlight. Then again, Magnus _always_ looks unfairly pretty.

He sips at his champagne and thinks about the fact that only this morning he had promised himself he would never drink again. That hadn’t lasted long.

“Should we even be drinking?” Alec asks softly, voicing his thoughts. Magnus turns from looking at the sky to face him. 

“Because of what happened last night?”

Alec nods. Magnus is only a few inches away from him. He thinks if he leaned far enough, he could kiss the other man without falling out of his lawn chair. 

Magnus raises his glass to his lips and takes a deliberate sip. “I don’t know, if getting drunk means being invited to sit on your lap again, I think I’m willing to risk whatever other unintended consequences happen as a result.”

Despite the embarrassment that courses through him, Alec’s gaze drops to Magnus’ lips because Magnus is flirting with him and he wants nothing more in the world than to flirt back. And he knows all the reasons he shouldn’t, but this time he listens to Isabelle’s advice that he not overthink for once. “You don’t have to be drunk for that.”

Magnus’ lips quirk as he sets his glass down next to the bottle. “Is that an invitation?”

Alec swallows hard, his mouth going dry. “If you want it to be.”

And then Magnus is moving. Alec sets down his own drink as Magnus straddles him, pressing his knees into the lawn chair on either side of Alec’s body. The proximity alone is enough to have Alec feeling breathless. 

Alec’s hands hover in the air, unsure if he can touch, until Magnus grips them and places them on his own hips. Alec holds tighter as Magnus settles down, still barely touching his legs, but leaning forward to press their foreheads together. 

“Hey.” Magnus’ voice is soft and low. The situation gives Alec déjà vu , but he’s sober now. He thinks it’s a hundred times better that way.

A smile tugs at his lips as he answers, “hi.”

They both lean in and then Magnus’ lips are sliding against his own and it’s everything he’s been aching for. The soft press of Magnus’ lips, the way one of his hands is curling into Alec’s hair, the warmth and weight of his body, solid against Alec’s. He has a bit of a five o’clock shadow, they have yet to fish out the shaving equipment that Alec knows is stocked somewhere, and it scratches, in the best way. Alec fists his hands into the material of his own sweatpants around Magnus’ hips and presses up, trying to get as much of their bodies connected as possible while Magnus licks into his mouth. 

When one of Magnus’ hands slips down, playing with the hem of Alec’s shirt, he remembers _reason_ \- somehow- and reluctantly tears his lips from Magnus’. They’re both breathing heavy and Magnus looks stunning with his lips pinkened and just slightly puffy. Alec wants to devour him. Still, he manages to ask, “Is this a good idea?”

Magnus hums, smoothing his hands up Alec’s chest, over the material of his shirt. “It _is_ our honeymoon.”

Alec rolls his eyes, not making any move to let go of Magnus. “We’re stuck together for the next month or so.”

“Three weeks of having sex with a beautiful man that’s taking me to Hawaii? How will I ever survive?” Magnus feigns dramatics, but when he leans back, his hips rub against Alec’s and Alec loses any ability to form rational thought.

Besides, it’s just sex. With his temporary and unplanned husband. “Want to go back to the room?”

Magnus’ eyes glisten as he hops up, grabbing the bottle of champagne that had been resting between their chairs on his way, holding out his free hand back towards Alec. Alec hurries to accept it, lacing their fingers together. He can feel Magnus’ wedding band against his skin and it’s odd, but it doesn’t diminish his excitement as they move from the deck down to the rooms below. It doesn’t help that Magnus’ sweatpants are sitting low on his hips and Alec keeps catching glimpses of smooth golden skin.

The moment they make it inside the bedroom, Alec is kissing Magnus again. He’s not sure how it happens, but they’re lips are connected as soon as they stumble inside. He tugs at Magnus’ T-shirt until the other man moves back enough to allow Alec to pull it over his head. Then Alec is falling to his knees to taste the skin on display, hands playing with Magnus’ piercings in the way he’s been wanting to since he first saw them, while Magnus makes breathy noises and sips from the champagne bottle. 

Alec bites just above the waistband of Magnus’ sweatpants, darting his tongue out to soothe the pain, when Magnus groans. “Take off your shirt and get on the bed.”

Alec hurries to comply, nearly getting his head tangled in his shirt as he strips while moving. He manages to fall onto the bed and drops his shirt over the side. Then, Magnus is crawling up his body, champagne bottle still carefully held in one hand. Alec’s brain short-circuits when Magnus tilts the bottle enough to dribble alcohol over his abs, the alcohol chilled and sparkling against his skin, before licking it up. The contrast of the cool drink and Magnus’ warm tongue has Alec gasping and arching his back. 

Magnus dribbles more champagne over Alec’s chest and licks it up, tongue darting over Alec’s nipple. He pauses to suck on it and Alec can’t help but reach up a hand to twine his fingers in Magnus’ hair. Had he taken the time to imagine sex with Magnus, he knows all his expectations would have fallen short of this. 

“You taste good,” Magnus says against his chest.

Alec huffs, rolling his hips up so their clothed erections grind together, sending sparks through his body. “Like champagne?”

Magnus moves back just enough to grin wickedly at him, “Just like champagne.” And Alec is left wondering how it’s possible for one person to be so attractive and charming and adorable at the same time. Before he can attempt to puzzle it out, Magnus is kissing him again. Alec licks up the subtle tang of champagne, hearing the clink of the bottle on the bedside table as Magnus sets it aside.

Magnus’ hands fall to caress his sides. His fingers are warm, metal rings cool and the contrast sets Alec’s hair on end. It also reminds him he can touch. He brings his other hand up off the bed to drag his fingers down over Magnus’ impressive six pack. His hand pauses at the waistband of Magnus’ borrowed sweats.

Magnus breaks away from his lips- and he looks just as beautiful debauched with bright red lips and cheeks pink from exertion- to nod. Alec grins back and pulls at Magnus sweatpants and underwear, just enough to tug the material to Magnus’ thighs and free his erection. 

Alec’s first thought is he wants it in him. It’s long and golden and _there’s a piercing in it_ and Alec can’t even begin to imagine what that would feel like on his tongue or in his ass. But he’s impatient and he doesn’t want to have to go searching for a condom right now so he makes a mental note for later. For now, he licks his own hand until it’s wet enough that it won’t hurt and wraps it around Magnus’ dick. 

Magnus moans, leaning forward slightly, carefully balanced above Alec. He thrusts into Alec’s hand, nibbling at Alec’s neck as he fumbles his own hand down.

The moment he wraps it around Alec’s cock, already wet with pre-come, Alec loses his rhythm, biting on his lip to keep in an embarrassing noise. Thankfully, he recovers quickly and, to make up for the distraction, flicks his wrist and runs his fingers along the vein of Magnus’ cock. 

“Here- let me, just-” With a few words and a bit of careful rearranging, Alec’s dick is freed entirely from his pants and is rubbing against Magnus’, both encaged by one of his hands. He can feel the bit of metal in Magnus’ cock every time they grind together and it’s making him lose his mind just a little. Alec groans and reaches up to tug gently at one of Magnus’ nipple piercings.

“Feels so good,” Magnus mutters above him, voice lowered and wrecked. Alec imagines it could only sound deeper after a blow job and the image of Magnus’ lips stretched around his dick pushes him over the edge. He comes over Magnus’ cock and hand with a few thrusts. Magnus bites at his shoulder as he follows him over the edge. 

Breathing hard, hands and stomachs coated in cum, Magnus rolls over to lay on his back beside Alec. “That was…”

“Good?” Alec suggests hopefully, a hint of a smile on his face as he turns enough to make eye-contact.

Magnus chuckles, but nods. “I was going to say mind-blowing, but good works too.”

Alec makes a sound of agreement as he strips off his sweatpants, using them to wipe up his stomach and hand, pulling his boxers over his cock. Magnus grabs it from him when he’s done, carefully cleaning himself up and it shouldn’t be attractive, but something about watching him makes Alec’s dick give a valiant twitch. 

Magnus tosses the sweatpants over the bed, pulling his own back up to his waist before relaxing into the bed. 

Alec suddenly realizes he doesn’t know what to do now. He’s never had anything longer than a one-night stand and those had often been in bar bathrooms or back alleys, few and far between. He’s embarrassed to find he wants to be held. And he doesn’t know if it’s because they’re in a bed or because his head is slightly fuzzy with champagne or because it’s Magnus. Maybe it’s all three.

Magnus sits up a little, reaching for the champagne. He sips at it before handing it over in offering. Alec sits up enough to sip some down as well. He thinks it tastes better on Magnus’ tongue. 

He passes it back and Magnus sets it on the nightstand before turning to face him. He blinks, face open and vulnerable, “Regrets?”

Alec almost laughs because how could he possibly regret any of that? He shakes his head. “No. No regrets.”

Magnus smiles and reaches a hand across the blankets. Alec takes it and lets their combined fingers rest between them, thinking this fake marriage might lead to the happiest relationship of his life, if things keep progressing this way. 

“Me neither,” Magnus breathes with a smile that has Alec’s heart racing. He closes the distance between them to kiss the dancer, long and sweet, tasting strongly of hope and potential.


End file.
